Looking for Love Online: A Latin Woman’s Experience   Leave a comment

International online dating has exploded.  Cupid Media, itself, claims more than 20 million customers.  Yet there are few protections for users.  Savvy adventurers make promises and use economic disparity to their advantage.  Those with hopes that their lives will be made better by what they cannot find in their own country are left, often alone, to navigate the gulf between their dreams and reality.

In 2005, the United States government adopted The International Marriage Broker Regulation Act (Subtitle D of Title VIII (Sec.831-834) of United States Public Law 109-162),[1], or IMBRA, requiring background checks for all marriage visa sponsors and limits serial visa applications. The law also requires background checks for consenting adults who wish to communicate when using an international pen pal service. The impetus for its introduction was two cases (including the Susanna Blackwell case in 1995 and the Anastasia King case in 2000) in which foreign women had been abused and eventually murdered by men who had used a K-1 fiancée visa issued by the US State Department to bring them to the United States.

Yet, aside from obvious abusers, the online dating industry is immune from such regulation and interactions between users are whatever they deem these interactions to be.  Furthermore, there is neither a handbook nor orientation for managing differences in culture, education, morals, societal norms, religion, value systems, economic isparity or power imbalances.  Online dating has become a reality in relationship formation in today’s world.  The attached link continues the series “Looking For Love (or Whatever) In Latin America.” Mi amiga, I have removed her name, and I met online almost three years ago. Though we have actually never met we have had conversations, given each other advice and become social media friends. What follows is the translation of a discussion we had on her online dating experiences.

When did you start looking for a friend or boyfriend online?
Mi Amiga – Three years ago

What sites do you use?
Mi Amiga – ColombianCupid, LatinAmericanCupid, Cybercupido and La Casa Del Amor. But I am not active on the last two. I like LatinAmericaCupid the best because I have found very good friends on that site. But I have not found my true love.

What advice would you give others that want to look for love or friends online?
Mi Amiga: I would say that there are many things to look out for. There are many men just looking for sex and many women looking for easy money. There are not many people that are looking for real love. It is a place where many people are looking to satisfy their own interests. Sometimes you will find ugly men, without taste, without teeth but they send money. And that is what is important.

Tell me about some of your experiences meeting or talking to men online
Mi Amiga: The first person I met on LatinAmericanCupid we talked all day and at night for three months. Later he came to visit me. But he was not just here (in Colombia) to visit me. He had plans to travel to various cities. Medellin, Santa Marta and Barranquilla but first he came to Cali. We were very happy. We went out to dinner and to have sex in his hotel. But later I saw what he had, in his suitcase, lots of condoms (she laughs at this point). It was obvious that he was not going to use all of them with me. He was here for five days. Always with me! I thought that all was progressing well. The last day, at the airport, he said that I was not going to be the woman he was looking for. He said thanks for the attention but that he was going to continue looking…. I have not heard anything more from him.

Another guy I met, we talked every day. He is a nice guy but he has some self-esteem problems. He is fat. He asked me to marry him (she had not met him face to face) and I had hopes. But he likes to have his woman under lock and key, behind closed doors. We talked more. He told me that he had problems driving because of the pain he often felt in his head. I felt afraid to continue. So I preferred to not talk with him further. In reality online many offer marriage. Because of this I don’t believe nothing or in anyone. But Wayne this was a serious situation. He bought bicycles for my sons. He said that I would have no money problems (if I married him). He would send me money. He would get me a Visa. I would have a house in my name and I would have no problems. But these things they have prices.

I also met an ex-baseball player. Very famous in Baltimore. He played for the Orioles. He said every minute that he loved me. All of his family knew me. He would call and I would talk with his sister, mother and his child. We talked liked this for seven beautiful months. I changed many things in my life during this time. I only had time for him. I did not talk with any of my friends. No men. I did not go out. I did not connect to my Hotmail. I would only talk on Skype with him. If he called at 3:00 a.m. to say I love you I would enter MSN to talk with him. I loved him a lot. And my sons and parents were also happy for me. He came to Cali to visit me. We met happily at the airport. We kissed a lot. He came to my house first to say hello to my family. His kisses were beautiful. He said he wanted to make love a lot with me. I was planning this before. So we went to his hotel. And nothing happened. I do not know why. He could not do anything (get it up). Later he apologized because he is gay. Later he disappeared and changed his hotel. Later i saw him in the mal with other women. A friend of mine, that knows him, had told me that he had another woman in Brazil. And the same thing happened to her. He could not make love to he either. So, I confronted him about this. And he said yes, it is true. So, here I am with this tall well-built former baseball player that could not make love. Caramba, at least he did not lie to me.

I also met a guy from Cuba on ColombianCupid. He was a very good friend. I could tell him my problems and he would always want to help. But later he said that he wanted to have sex on the internet. He wanted me to show him my breasts. And he wanted me to masturbate for him. He would always call for me to do this. Then I said no, I did not want him to be my friend anymore (she laughs).

The last guy on the list came to Cali. I also met him on Colombia Cupid. He has business here. Over the past three years we only talked a little. He would always talk about his children. But for my birthday he was here and invited me to go to dinner. Later we went to a disco. We spent three days together. We went to dinner, lunch and to walk ne the malls. On his last day here we had sex. It was delicious (she laughs). We continued talking afterwards. But later he started to tell me about his desires to experiment with some things with me. He said he would give me money if I would have anal sex with him. I will not do that. I told him I was not a prostitute. He is very handsome. A gentleman. Very intelligent. But he is not a man to make commitments. He did not want to have a serious relationship.

Sometimes do you have sex on camera for men? Masturbate or show yourself naked?
Mi amiga: Yes, various times. With the guy from Cuba and with a guy from California.

How do you feel when you have sex for others on camera?
Mi Amiga: Very nice. There are times that I have done it without effort. With pleasure for the person that was watching. I like to feel desired. I like to feel that another is attracted to me.

Do you have more that you want to say?
Mi Amiga: Yes, this is an experience. I have not been online in a while. I have not found anyone important to me. Now I have a beautiful relationship with a much older man that worries about me. He lives here. He is interested in my life and makes me laugh. I hope whatever I have said helps.

Posted September 19, 2011 by Wayne in Uncategorized

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